BITTER SWEET

Pasti kita sering sekali memperhatikan kehidupan orang baik yang di kenal maupun tidak.  Ya, Saya termasuk salah satunya. Secara sengaja atau tidak saya sering memperhatikan kehidupan orang lain melalui social media, berita atau secara langsung . Mendengar cerita-ceritanya, melihat fotonya atau mengobrol secara langsung, lalu bergumam.  "Hidupnya amat sangat sempurna ya " " Jalan hidupnya super mulus ya" , "Gila hidupnya kayanya happy banget" Dan pasti jadi nge compare ke diri sendiri. Its Normal! Lalu....  Dankkkk!!! Beberapa waktu kemudian saya dapet info atau berita tentang orang yang pernah saya anggap sempurna.  Sebagai contoh ; ternyata dia bermasalah di kerjaannya, dia akan bercerai, pasangannya berselingkuh, ternyata dia terlilit hutang, ternyata dia berada di lingkungan toxic,blabla...... Everyone will agree that life is unpredictable and many times we are put to the test by it.  Dan pada akhirnya yang di nilai amat sempurna juga ternyata tidak ...

Recently, I’ve been feeling quite down, for various reasons.  Dealing with some repressed emotions that have surfaced, and just generally feeling a bit lost. And I find it so frustrating. But I am also human.  For god sake , Im always happy when people around me get something that they really want.  But I can't lie when something they got was one of the things i dreamed of  . Deep down , there will always be a big questions to my self  " When is my turn ? or "Why should it be me?"  And unconsciously I'm sad.  Selfish ? I know.  I know I'm selfish when I'm a little sad when other people are happy. but i'm sad because of myself  not because of their good news.  Again , For God sake. I never planned and didn't want to feel that way but isn't that something i can't control.  Sometimes I get angry with myself.   Because I let sad feelings come at the wrong time. Then, Withdrawing my self for a while.  Choosing to minimize ...